Have Done With Fear Of Failure

When you were a baby, you had no fear of failure. You tackled everything with great enthusiasm and spent all your waking hours honing your new skills.

It's a good thing you wore a nice thick diaper, because when you were learning to walk –- boy -- did you fall down a lot!

But in the end, if you were a healthy baby, you managed to walk and now use this skill every day without a second thought.

But you didn't give up in disgust after you'd fallen down a few times and say, "It's no good -- I'm just plain unlucky. I'll never be able to walk!"

Why was that?

Simply because you had not been "got at" that early in your life.  The virus that, later on,  infiltrated your thoughts and convinced you that you were "no good" and that "can't cope with life" had not yet damaged you

So where do these feelings of bad luck come from?

When you are born you are an unspoilt, blank canvas. Everyone made a fuss of you and praised even the slightest skill you developed. No wonder you smiled at every opportunity and made such rapid progress!

Then, when you started to crawl, there were all manner of dangers your parents had to protect you from. Then you started to stand up and try to walk.

It takes a bit of a knack to learn to keep your balance and you fell down countless times. But, like all babies,  you  were tougher than you looked.

And – more importantly – you had no fear of failure.

It was only later, when your parents – fearing for your safety and with the best intentions – started to place limitations on your adventures for your own good that the concept of failure entered and slowly permeated your psyche.

And the problem got worse as you got older and more demanding.

Then one day your cozy world was shattered! For the first time, you were really told off by this trusted giant of a parent, you looked upon as some sort of god.

Once the spell was broken, matters went downhill pretty quickly. But don’t think you are alone or singled out for cruel treatment or that your parents were any different to any others.  A recent study showed that the average American parent criticizes their children eight times for every time they praise them.

Like all babies, you learnt fast. So you quickly learnt:

• Don’t take risks
• Keep in line
• You’re no good
• You don’t deserve this
• You’re not worthy
• You don’t deserve love
• Nobody will ever love you for who you are – only what you are

On top of that, because bringing up children is the toughest job in the world – and very expensive – you might have been present when your parents were going through some financial crisis. 

And the fact that they had difficulties with money imbued in you a sense of shortage and lack of wealth that would stay with you and color your own outlook on wealth. 

Remember, to a child, their parents are gods and can do anything (“My Dad can beat your Dad!”).

So, if the godlike parents have a hard time getting money, what chance does a mere child stand?

Certainly, later on, when we are teenagers – and know everything – we may look upon our parents as stupid old timers, but the nagging doubts about our moneymaking abilities remain, buried deep in our subconscious.

That's because by the  time we are about aged seven, our attitude and perceptions are more or less fixed for life, unless we make the conscious effort to reprogram our negative thoughts.

Those long forgotten experiences still dictate our attitude into adulthood and make us feel that:

• We are not “deserving” of riches and success.
• Earning vast sums of money is impossible.
• We're unlucky.

So there they are, all but forgotten, but still lurking in the inner recesses of our memory banks, ready to sabotage our best efforts and limit our full potential of what we can really achieve – which is, in fact, pretty much anything we set our minds to.

Think of them as a virus in your computer: unseen, but capable of doing tremendous damage.

Then you go to school where teachers are also capable of doing great harm to your self esteem, without possibly realizing it.

Then along comes adolescence! At this stage of your life everything about you changes and merely being alive is an embarrassment.

Hardly surprising that recent research showed that 98% of fourteen year olds have a negative image of themselves. This manifests itself in dressing in the “uniform” of rebellion (whatever the particular fashion fad is at the time) and speaking in a language unintelligible to outsiders.

At this point in their life, the “herd” instinct is at its strongest and, while they might appear to be striking out in their own individual way, the reality is they are conforming strongly to peer pressure from others in their age group, who are themselves in the grip of the very same teenage angst - and thus, not ideal role models either!

This often leads them to bad behavior, drug taking and many things they would not indulge in were they left to make their own judgments. 

All in all, it's a miracle that, despite all these handicaps some of us survive to adulthood at all.

How we react to all this is quite interesting, because there is one group that uses all this to drive themselves forward to great success. 

On the other hand, the majority of us struggle against these unseen forces, unaware of the damage they are doing to us and our chances of making a success of our lives.

So, now you know the reason you fear failure, you can deal with these ridiculous irrational thoughts.

How?

Simply by being aware of your existing achievements. Do you drive an automobile? Think back to how daunting that seemed originally. Now you do it without a second' s hesitation.

So, remember your past successes when you embark on some new challenge, because it will make it easier to succeed, simply because you will expect to succeed. Then, as you get a record of success behind you can tackle bigger and bigger challenges with growing confidence and enthusiasm, ever more certain of a successful outcome.

You will have finally conquered your fear of failure. 

Copyright © 2008 InternetMarketingMagician.com and Paul Hooper-Kelly

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